Wolfhealer Writes

  I am in bed Doing my stretches and feet circles and leg wiggles in bed trying to get the strength to roll to stand to get my brace to take the pressure off to move to get to the bathroom.  And I am wondering if I want to fully get up again.   I was so excited to be better and getting betterere before the cruise in march. I rallied, I pulled  and I was doing so well.    Then this crash after crash after crash and I just don’t know if I have it in me to get all the way up.  What if I get up and this happens again? I am so tired.  I was so happy to be back at work and doing more around the house and getting ready to go for  walks and hikes and dancing again. And then it all went away.    Again.    I think two big things (years)  like this too close together is making it hard to believe there will be a pot of "good"  (span of time of wellness) at the top of this mountain. I keep hitting shame and guilt for being kn...

  I just held still Waiting Not even holding my breath Waiting to find breath to hold

  In 2017 I got beyond sick and my health collapsed Nathan, Me and Mori and Kuma had our puppy clumps Sparkles, Inara, Zozo, Kaylee, Malamutt  We were so so so sick physically for so long w new bebes Things broken that we couldn’t see between us Nathan and I had a car accident and life was weird I was still lightly traveling for work and working locally sans health I could hardly see or feel or hear Pictures of me didn’t even look like me Friends grew weary of the health issues People were driving wedges between us Nathan got lost and forgot who he knew me to be I didn’t know he was lost We misplaced each other In 2018 on my 48th birthday I ended a 14/15  year relationship  This ended the 3 person relationship that Nathan and I had shared Nathan and I were left together alone after recovering Inara restructured Nathan’s leg via headbutting and major surgery Silver and Tsuki: our redemption pack - the first healing around parenting I could not get my health right no...