Wolfhealer Writes

How NOT to help us get through this: (Nathan’s A.D.D. ishy brain getting help with stuff and medications) Tease us about being late. Especially tease ann about being late. Esp. if you didn’t know ann before she was dating younger people and was known & respected for her on time- ness. We aren’t having fun with this and the lite hearted joking other people think is funny is the fights and cryin later that you don’t see. The lost sleep, the stress, the lost income, and its just freaking painful.  Ann is not an “im just late” kind of person. Being seen for who I am is paramountedly important to me, so being teased about being late just hurts on all the not sexy ways.  It would mess this up if ann heard something about being a partner who chooses quality of time with her partner who has time management issues and getting teased vs. doing things separately or bailing on him. Sit in judgement on ann for doing a crappy job when she didn’t want the job at all. After the ex...

To those of you who have been along for the journey and the struggle Nathan and i have been riding the last several months, you guys already know some/most of this - this is  follow up - for friends and clients who aren't as close in geographically  or who don't have as deep of an understanding... We are almost one week off his add meds now (the ones that were golden for the first 1-2 month until swing shift, car accident, still having to get up @ 7 am, usual october cold/plague, pups passing, pumpkin passing, general winter ugg, lack of exercise, not eating at home for like 6 months ….. On top of whatever the original actual thing is ) .doc has said off all meds for now - but called in a scrip that we can try if we need/want .so we don't have to go through insurance loops later to get it - follow up doc on valentines day .. hmmm.. sounds like fun? Many of you know most of this already - this is the update I have put together for people who are asking - any people wh...

Grace: This is what I mean when I request grace: Good will - always assume the best in your partner unless proven beyond a doubt otherwise Responsible for actions - trust that they- will clean up - see above- even if person is fucking up - assume good will & that they will stand w u to kleen it up A -accept apology or explanation at face value and whole heartedly - if having trouble refer back to good will C - compassion - is this person giving you a hard time or HAVING a hard time E - empathy (vs judgement) what is the other person going through? IF I hear you utter the words "I call grace" I am going to do my utmost to rise to the above paradigm of thought. Ann's acid test for grace: would you want to watch your part played back on a big screen tv at a social or want a new dating partner to see your actions & how you function in these situations? Would you be ok with someone speaking/acting this way towards a child, puppy ...

Someone this week applied a word to my actions that used to be a highly charged word for me.... I reclaimed this one years ago and it doesn't have the power to shoot me into psycho mode anymore but it made me ponder what exactly comprises "bitch mode" here is my summize "Bitch Mode" B - Behindtime (late) I - impatient/ ikzhazperated T - terse / tense C - correcting/ critical H - hurried / harried And yep - that is what i was be~ing Question I ask myself ~ if I saw some one that mode would i label that/them or would i perhaps, hopefully, offer to help in some way?

Healthy Targets Aimed for and Achieved 7/29/2017 1) can walk the 6-7 miles daily without question 2) can balance enough to do workout dvd if i can find time 3) can work full time stamina wise 4) can stay awake past 9... lol, actually can be up til 11/12 and still up on time next day 5) HRT - only 2/3 weeks back on and period back functional to original pre menopausal pattern - this particular combo seems to work super well and... bewbs 6) metal taste more tracked down - found 3 places extra vitamin b was hiding (trans-dermal progest cream, women's multi and liver guard) 7) my face loooks more like me me again 8) prednisone all time low even near this period 5- 7.5 mg /day with 24-48 spike pre auntie day - headache was super mild this month though 9) muscle tone coming back up through the extra cushionings 10) can sleep when wanted as much as I have time for 11) can balance and do full deep tissue and graceful bodywork sessions ...

Ann’s Next Growth Spurt in Communication and  Integrity Gossip and Clean up I have been doing some deep thinking and processing now that I can get my head above water over the health stuff. When I took the wisdom course, I took the communication new paradigm of not gossiping to heart and in  most/many areas of my life have taken a stand for clear, open non-triagulatory communication, that happens with consent, knowledge, love and respect. Looking back I can see that I made a very significant wrong turn being away from wisdom class too long. This was one of those things where I felt something in my gut but didn’t quite listen to myself. I have been sort of not gossiping – for about two years now  Gossiping in  terms of … it’s not ok to gossip “except” ….. My except wasn’t “except if helping”, “except out of concern”… it was “it’s not ok to gossip EXCEPT to a primary partner”… “except” it didn’t register as gossip to me – it r...

Yeilding From Poems and Prose by Ann Marie Taylor 1-23-1995 Last Nite we both  were able to yield to be humble to acknowledge our limitations to accept  each others feelings for what they are and though it hurt it cleared the air and we were able to really give to each other and take for ourselves tenderness pleasure vulnerability to experience the intense power of letting go to something beyond ourselves

From Poems and Prose by Ann Marie Taylor July 1993 Don't Praise ME Don't Praise me when I am hungry and skinny Don't tell me what good care I take of myself when I don't eat Don't tell me I'm "in shape" when I have none Don't admire my bone structure when my ribs are showing This is not Health; This is Neglect I am Hungry in my soul as well as my body Don't tell me how "attractive" I am When I have no desire to pull you to me Don't praise me for being "light and delicate" but TELL ME when I am strong, sturdy and whole Starvation isn't a sign of femininity But of failure to BE Don't praise me when    my eyes are tired and hollow    when I am dizzy and weak     .... and my steps uncertain This is illlness, not success Don't blame me for being insecure In a world where this crazy behavior gains rewards Praise me when I am Full and Rounded and Loving With energy and intere...

Ups and down and side-wayzes Soooooo MUCH to juggle-ify I made it through the headache/spinal cord right side of body numb thing yesterday without going over into the 20 mg pred range - 2.5 @ 6am 2.5 @ 8 am 2.5 @ noon ishy w a ¼ perk boost 2.5 @ 2 pm 5 before bed = 15 mg - which usually on a headache like this I gotta push it to 20 or 25 but I am stressed about puffy face and didn’t want to go backwards if i didn’t have to I have to keep reminding myself that the A1C number reflects the winthrop vacation and food binge clear back when I was eating allll the things on the nebulizer and the high pred - the diet (as in what i eat food plan not starving self)  has actually  leveled off in stages 3/4/5 weeks ago - but the test shows all 3 months and I WAS eating all the sugar in january and february …. Most of the sugar - too - high symptoms have already abated or are so minimal that they aren’t affecting me much All the support Nathan and I got REALLY helpe...

So the first round of test results from new comm health doctor show all good/okay - nothing standee outee - which is good news/bad news I was on 25 mg prednisone at the time - which is the drug that calms those things down and had been on higher doses and on it for extended period of time - So what the tests can’t show - is what would show if I were NOT on the prednisone Its a catch 22 - if I come off prednisone I won’t be functional (even if I could cold turkey it without the slow taper) So unless I had months to come off, and found some way to be under constant observation with a doctor (which no one does) there is no way for them to see right now what is underneath the prednisone So the compromise we make so I can stay functioning - is to taper as much as possible and still function and then retest all these labs about july ish and see if anything flags/shows with a lower but not completely cold turkey dose It’s a challenge because if I am functional the predniso...