Where did the last 5 + ish years gooooooo? 2017-2023

 

In 2017 I got beyond sick and my health collapsed

Nathan, Me and Mori and Kuma had our puppy clumps

Sparkles, Inara, Zozo, Kaylee, Malamutt 

We were so so so sick physically for so long w new bebes

Things broken that we couldn’t see between us

Nathan and I had a car accident and life was weird

I was still lightly traveling for work and working locally sans health

I could hardly see or feel or hear

Pictures of me didn’t even look like me

Friends grew weary of the health issues

People were driving wedges between us

Nathan got lost and forgot who he knew me to be

I didn’t know he was lost

We misplaced each other

In 2018 on my 48th birthday I ended a 14/15  year relationship 

This ended the 3 person relationship that Nathan and I had shared

Nathan and I were left together alone after recovering

Inara restructured Nathan’s leg via headbutting and major surgery

Silver and Tsuki: our redemption pack - the first healing around parenting

I could not get my health right no matter how I tried

There were lies and secrets and smoking lies 

Work fell apart 

I never felt safe leaving the house 

I was utterly unable to concentrate and couldn’t not figure out why

So many unseen forces were at play but not fun play

We were swimming in resentment and betrayal and pain

We couldn’t have sung each others song’s back to each other if handed sheet music with notes

In 2019 we started to recognize trauma and repair so many things 

We pre-gan to restructure everything we thought we knew about our life and relationship

Who are we even as partners and why? 

Are we partners without sex ? 

Are we still poly just 2 ply? 

How are we going to date or have the sensual life in lite of?

What do you mean never? Like not ever not even a little? 

I just got used to only sometimes …

(we didn’t know this would be a 5+ year dry spell for both of us)

There was fighting

There was giving up

Sorting through lies

Nathan Stopped the smoking

Ann stopped the ovulating - menopause

We learned to live as 2 people devoid of our two-footed pack

Pain, emptiness & night terrors

Trying to work but ripping tearing fear every-time leaving the house alone

Nathan danced @ Athena

We got closer to Patrick  while we were near his apt. for dance 

Nathan learned bartend mixology (so did ann but nathan for work ann for fun)

K helped us learn mixology and heal hearts damaged in pack schism

There were still social’s with people to start to practice the tender bar

Star trek #3 was ann’s first - solo cruise - almost died with adrenal stuff 

Patrick and ann cruise  - 20 year delayed “honeymoon” in march -birthdays and spring breaks

2020 the world pandemicked

WE found Nikki. In Jan.

Star trek cruise 4 - march - we watched the news of covid roll in (nathan’s first cruise)

We were the last non covid ship on this route and we watched the islands roll up shops

Nathan found himself - we started talking about really not ever the tween two of us sessy

Pain. but healing. Clean the owch and see each other without the anger 

We started to open but then

Everything closed

Ann came home from work

Nathan couldn’t work safely with ann immunocomp

With pandemic ins being home and together and eating in at the house was new and fresh

It was like being college roommates with fuzzy happy puppies for a while

Being at home was fun for a while and it created the pressure cooker to show the stress fractures

I was tangled in all the self hatred internalized confusion nathan had 

Nathan started evergreen on zoom

Ann did a year of evergreen as a graduate (from 1995)

Patrick and nathan and I became a covid pod

Unemployment financials weirdness

The world didn’t feel real but some of it was good unreal

CNN on constant - riots and chirons as numbers went up

Noone dated

2021 the world still pandemicked

We hunkered down - still pack podding w patrick 

Cabins with patrick winter hunkers and travels

We found ways through being off work

There was counseling

There was confusion

And nathan and I settled on how to continue relating

Unemployment lawsuits

So much fightin's and stress

The daily walks stopped

Counseling

Breaks from N family as he learned to voice his being

Broken spleens and various bones and scrapes

So much yelling. So many harshes. 

We thought we would be out dating - covid still too  scary

There was no star trek cruise - covid

K & G came to visit - healing - friends - WE needed friends

Packwood Lake hike picnic - summer perfection

Ann’s Back - late summer - hike go boom

Melissa E cruise late fall w K

No one even knew how to think of dating in masks

We built the tiki deck

We started doing 3 peopled projects on the house

This was the diamond from coal year

Too much pressure but would we have made it without pressure forcing stresses to light?

With Nikki and Patrick’s support

With K&G ‘s imported friendships

With the people behind the scenes supporting the pups 

With people who fed us when we spent our money feeding the pups

We started to remember what songs we used to sing back to each other but words lyrics missing

In 2022 there was the year of wheelchair and broken bones and healing hearts starting

This was nathan’s hell school year

We thought we would start dating and going out ---  but more covid

We went out for social and dance and pride in june/july

We survived covid #1 in july

We lost friends and Kiba to covid

Still not back to work ann’s body

Still afraid to work 

BUT AHHHH the hottub with the perfect temp came home

And the jacuzzi tub free on facebook moved in

Dating? What’s dating even look like and how and when and who?

School for Nathan Junior ish year

K & G came to visit - so much good

Nathan’s lungs in the river post covid

Patrick moved back to the Packhouse

Star trek cruise 5 - me and nathan and patrick 

The boardwalk was built

Braces and wheelchairs and ramps

Physical therapy and Endocrine finally come together 

I found the right chiropractor and my back went back

Pubis had been plumb out of plumb until she put it back in symphysis 

My adrenal diagnosis started me on the path to being able to ummmph again

Bringing the body back on and in line

2023

Finally the world is clearing

Star trek 6 - me and nathan and patrick Feb into March - Our 3rd trek together

This year we were going to expand dating on the cruise - away from home & freely expressed

ALMOST dating - but juicy covid coughs everywhere so back to staterooms for us

Nathan survived second covid just after the cruise

Spring quarter of school is so much better: healing school trama

I have seen the inside of my studio more this year than the last 3 years

Another car accident

We Still have Nikki

15 loving pups

3 kitties

3 people

&