Wolfhealer Writes

 In the spirit of 2020 being that of "crystal clear and perfect vision" I have been looking at all Nathan and I have been through and gotten up from over the 10 years we've cohabited. Its a lot. Relationship achievements - Things we have survived as a couple All this tween 2010/12 & 2020 Age Gap - 21 year difference Developmental disparity  Starting poly  Poly restructures multiple  Unexpected Gayness Infidelity and repair Loss of primary sexual relationship within primary love relationship Generational differences - the world is a different place now not just about age Maintaining 3 places: packhouse/packwood and ann’s work studio  Dependents in form of woofers Raising woofs/running kennel Managing staff for puppies - originally packhouse members/Rachel and now the Nikki good. Long term hospice pups - tieton first - jack second most intense - all the sleep deprivations 18-26 canines at a time with just 2 of us Deaths of 2 baby pups,  deaths of senior p...

6/13/2020 As I am mainlining news, and sorting through the weird dreams overnight….. first the covid from when we first got back from the cruise… work changes, living changes, missing people, health worries…. And now over two weeks of protests that have brought things up…. Fragments of flashes of life as a teenager through my early 20’s….. As an elementary and starting junior hi I didn’t really understand racial tensions… I had friends of all varieties. The most unusual thing would have been “boat people” a concept which I didn’t really understand. I liked the kids I met who joined mid school year, worked through language challenges and became friends with them. I grew up honestly believing people are people and animals have souls and all life is sacred. no one could talk me out of those beliefs. People tried. When I started into my teens I started to notice not everyone “knew” these things. I believed other people would see things as I did if they were talked to...

Written for Nathan May 28, 2020 Care and feeding of your writer/work from home partner All the beverages - bring to happy beverage sitting place ASK before talking if fingers are moving YES, I need the rice thing for my neck Keep the time on track or my brain feels it My brain needs to write sentences instead of track your time Especially for morning & nite pattern and midday dog moves Prevent puppy mommy ears from engaging - please hear it before me Mommy ears disrupt writing synapses I like the google nest time keeper thing it helps brain settle Yes, plates of food are good REMIND me to do the walks and zoom exercise classes If you keep on time and give me 15 min warn to pee and shoe I can focus I need the exercise & will follow trustingly if you keep on time for pups Yes, I should stand up every 60-90 mins but don’t make brain go think Yes, I need to be reminded to pee, yes, really. I like food Bit sized nibbles Less important to ask what food than magically place guessed...

With being home and processing, so many things - so so so many thing are surfacing. Things change every day. My heart can heart-ly keep up. Tonight another thing healed deeper than I thought it ever would. Maybe that's one more nightmare theme gone. I didn't think today would go this way, it's been a roller coaster. But this healed a thing from 2012 when my first ever pup Tatoosh died, and when there was stress and blame and anger and confusion and none of us knew what the hell to do and things festered. When Tatoosh died, we were all so innocent. I, specifically had been told my whole life that animals just knew when it was time, that they just "went to sleep" I didn't know that the body and soul and mind don't always line up easily. Tonight a big piece of that blame was lanced and drained and maybe now, for the first time since Jack's passing I can sleep with out that particular nightmare. There were things about Jack's physical co...

Simultaneously grieving and celebrating a relationship. I am so grateful for having Nathan Cole to snuggle with every nite and for my life and kennel partnership. I am also so disoriented, sad and befuddled @ finding myself without a primary sexual relationship. Especially in these times of social / physically distsncing As hardwired poly as I am , I am not one for seeking sexual relationships outside my home, I like to fall in bed with my partner (s) and fall asleep entwined, or wake up in the friskiness. Play parties are fun and fine, but my true joy in  sensual satisfaction falls with long term partners in my home and hearth and surrounding by puppies, or while traveling with my beloveds. I am not seeking dating with this post.... there isn't  a dating or secondary relationship style that will "fix" this. There is nothing actually wrong... it's just a very different stage than I was expecting to find my/ourselves in. ...

Let's See if I can math right..... lol.. . how many years is tomorrow? From when we decided to be parental life partners on this crazy woofer journey.... Tomorrow is an anniversary of sorts and also falls on mother's day.... 2012 - 2020 = is that 8? Sounds about right see-ing as how we mark from Mori gettin' and she's 8 8 Years ago we decided to share the joys and trials of woof -raising Pack having, home sharing, life living and dream building. It's been a hell of a ride! Our commitment as first created was to share home and hearth as long as we have Morinoko. We extended again when we got her life mate Kuma. We waited for years to have our intentional family of woofers - Mori and Kuma's puppas: Mal, Sparkles, Zoe, Kaylee and Inara. This was our planned family and we extended again our commitment to co parent and share life. Those babies are 3 as of this past March. We welcomed 3 songdogs into our world to balance the pack gender wise just over 6 years ago: Kib...

after the intensity of two hospice pups in two weeks, we are napping and starting a new chapter.  Last month was all about Kona and Jack and finding a house bound rhythm. with my self employed work style and Nathan's often home with pups between jobs and school in some ways we were set up better than many people for close extended proximity. Even so, it was a lot of housebound for us with not being able to freely travel to Packwood on weekends due to money, stay at home order and taking care of our puppatients. now, we are 20 pups with "normal" daylight hours care. everyone has had routine vettage and although we have some with creaky crackly bones we aren't staring down the barrel of loaded gun health issues.  It appears we will be able to sleep nites, rise for walks again, enjoy the zoom dance classes, and resume household upgrades we also are looking at finding the log beds in the back 40 over the next two weeks and seeing what's left of the 7 bed of...

When to come back, I am sooooooooooooooo ready to my studio providing tlc and touch. I am waiting on two things. First, the stay at home order for our local area, I keep up on this daily. Being able to get to the studio is an important part of …. Being at the studio. The second is the sticky part, the medical piece for safety. As the gatekeeper of all who cross my threshold, the one who holds the baton for keeping us all safe, I am beholden to find ways to make sure, as sure as possible that any touch given and taken on my watch and by my hand is the touch of healing, caring and do no harm-ing. I am scouring the inter- webs daily for info on how to safely get to being able to work again.... So many of my clients have active traveling lives, and are from so many parts of the country and even world travelers ..... It isn’t practical to trace people forever for each session. The first week back wouldn’t be so hard since we’ve all been homebound (theoretically) but some of us have still b...