A Deep Breath, A living Sigh, ahhhh Room for In---Spiration and Expression
So I begin my writing with... writing.... writing about writing
As I drifted off to sleep last nite, thinking how incredibly thankful I am for the chance to write, for the entire Fall 2010 to create and dream and lay the foundation for a lifetime of continued writing, my mind drifted to sending an email to say "thank you" to everyone who is making this possible. Then, I thought "hmmmm, maybe I could create an email group for that" then, "hmmmm maybe there's a better way"... "ahhhhhh...maybe I don't need to recreate the wheel", and following up on my mentor training for Wisdom Course, where they have this crazy idea that "social media" is the wave of the future and "email is dead", that, prrrrhaps, it's time to hatch my first blog.
So, this is intended to be personal, and deep and maybe somewhat sappy - "thank you" isn't deep enough, I want to try to share the experience of this.
This blog is written to be personal, to those I love - AND other people are welcome to read this love letter to life and to my beloveds and those who love me.
So, how to convey what this chance to write means to me, how it affects the fiber of my life, with every breath, with every thought - every action imbued with freedom to LIVE with the season, the natural flow of the day and the ebb and flow of presence...
My days, for the first time since 2001, start with waking naturally- with the incoming window light.... without rushing, no adrenaline jump start, no force feeding my endocrine system hours earlier than my pineal gland is designed for and actually enjoying coffee as I let the pups out, just because I want to, not as jet-fuel for emails... to actually taste it and drink it hot, instead leaving a string of forgotten cups in the shuffle. I can see the colors of the light, the angle of it through the trees...I can totally experience the changing of the seasons.
It means waking up with no audio alarms... allowing Tyler to come to consciousness gently and sweetly ... For both of us having time to roll over and pet the pups, to watch them wiggle, to smile at them and watch them stretch, remember to stretch ourselves... to listen to the outside...
Today.. the first deep rain of fall.... the pups curl up a little instead of bouncing for the door, the air smells so clean and I can visualise the new habitat for the pups and the space for our new home, where so very recently the tractor moved, dug, rearranged and dust has been floating, and the log trucks removed all the residual plants. This rain will calm and heal that earth and before winter it will be covered with plant life and re-naturalizing.
I have space to walk the puppy yards as I set them up and WATCH them play - to share the interaction.. something I used to have everyday in Packwood to just "be" with them, no rushing, no scurrying, no managing like a mother with three toddlers... and a full time job. I can PLAY with Kona when she play-bows "chase me", and walk at Tatoosh's pace instead of hurrying him to his kennel.
It means eating before walking the pups and starting the walks with a clear head, not using the time to construct a to do list for between and after walks, it means looking up at the scenery and listening to Tyler's happy morning babble instead of furrowing my brow to concentrate harder and perceiving the pups and him as an interruption to me "doing important thinking about important things"
It means letting Tyler wake up at his own pace, instead of relying on ritalin/adderall or frustration to get him jump started... because the mornings can be just about be-ing, for all of us. I can get up as I am ready and he can follow when he misses me... instead of me starting as boss before his eyes open.
Then, after the walks, after having time to feed the pups myself instead of feeling my heart tear as Tyler gets "stuck" with something that occurs as a chore instead of a joy - it means watching them eat, noticing them, sitting in the kennels with them ... and leaving for the studio to write, with Tyler and the puppies happy, fed and ready for their afternoon routine.
It means having the freedom and time to write, with only Tuesdays and Thursdays as client days, and not needing to field client emails and advertisements and then scurry around to set the day.... and the people... these "clients" are people I truly Cherish, people that spending time with is all about presence and sharing and growth and embodiment.... all presence with none of the screening, scheduling, negotiating.....
And in this time, I can recreate my practice so that when I go back to it, I am ready, and my life is rearranged to sustain this flow, this sense of precious timing with the pups as my two eldest (Tatoosh and Tieton) gain on 13. It means less tearing and pain as I leave... less wanting to scream " I don't want to miss this chapter".... now, I can be here to write this chapter...with the pups, the kittahs, and my people. I can be home and create life to be about home when I move to the next new chapter in January.
This is a good start... I am off now, to meet with my Tuesday People.... Tomorrow I hope to share something about the writing I will be doing....
I am sending warm and dry and safe-inside-but can hear the rain - COZY vibes to all me people.
As I drifted off to sleep last nite, thinking how incredibly thankful I am for the chance to write, for the entire Fall 2010 to create and dream and lay the foundation for a lifetime of continued writing, my mind drifted to sending an email to say "thank you" to everyone who is making this possible. Then, I thought "hmmmm, maybe I could create an email group for that" then, "hmmmm maybe there's a better way"... "ahhhhhh...maybe I don't need to recreate the wheel", and following up on my mentor training for Wisdom Course, where they have this crazy idea that "social media" is the wave of the future and "email is dead", that, prrrrhaps, it's time to hatch my first blog.
So, this is intended to be personal, and deep and maybe somewhat sappy - "thank you" isn't deep enough, I want to try to share the experience of this.
This blog is written to be personal, to those I love - AND other people are welcome to read this love letter to life and to my beloveds and those who love me.
So, how to convey what this chance to write means to me, how it affects the fiber of my life, with every breath, with every thought - every action imbued with freedom to LIVE with the season, the natural flow of the day and the ebb and flow of presence...
My days, for the first time since 2001, start with waking naturally- with the incoming window light.... without rushing, no adrenaline jump start, no force feeding my endocrine system hours earlier than my pineal gland is designed for and actually enjoying coffee as I let the pups out, just because I want to, not as jet-fuel for emails... to actually taste it and drink it hot, instead leaving a string of forgotten cups in the shuffle. I can see the colors of the light, the angle of it through the trees...I can totally experience the changing of the seasons.
It means waking up with no audio alarms... allowing Tyler to come to consciousness gently and sweetly ... For both of us having time to roll over and pet the pups, to watch them wiggle, to smile at them and watch them stretch, remember to stretch ourselves... to listen to the outside...
Today.. the first deep rain of fall.... the pups curl up a little instead of bouncing for the door, the air smells so clean and I can visualise the new habitat for the pups and the space for our new home, where so very recently the tractor moved, dug, rearranged and dust has been floating, and the log trucks removed all the residual plants. This rain will calm and heal that earth and before winter it will be covered with plant life and re-naturalizing.
I have space to walk the puppy yards as I set them up and WATCH them play - to share the interaction.. something I used to have everyday in Packwood to just "be" with them, no rushing, no scurrying, no managing like a mother with three toddlers... and a full time job. I can PLAY with Kona when she play-bows "chase me", and walk at Tatoosh's pace instead of hurrying him to his kennel.
It means eating before walking the pups and starting the walks with a clear head, not using the time to construct a to do list for between and after walks, it means looking up at the scenery and listening to Tyler's happy morning babble instead of furrowing my brow to concentrate harder and perceiving the pups and him as an interruption to me "doing important thinking about important things"
It means letting Tyler wake up at his own pace, instead of relying on ritalin/adderall or frustration to get him jump started... because the mornings can be just about be-ing, for all of us. I can get up as I am ready and he can follow when he misses me... instead of me starting as boss before his eyes open.
Then, after the walks, after having time to feed the pups myself instead of feeling my heart tear as Tyler gets "stuck" with something that occurs as a chore instead of a joy - it means watching them eat, noticing them, sitting in the kennels with them ... and leaving for the studio to write, with Tyler and the puppies happy, fed and ready for their afternoon routine.
It means having the freedom and time to write, with only Tuesdays and Thursdays as client days, and not needing to field client emails and advertisements and then scurry around to set the day.... and the people... these "clients" are people I truly Cherish, people that spending time with is all about presence and sharing and growth and embodiment.... all presence with none of the screening, scheduling, negotiating.....
And in this time, I can recreate my practice so that when I go back to it, I am ready, and my life is rearranged to sustain this flow, this sense of precious timing with the pups as my two eldest (Tatoosh and Tieton) gain on 13. It means less tearing and pain as I leave... less wanting to scream " I don't want to miss this chapter".... now, I can be here to write this chapter...with the pups, the kittahs, and my people. I can be home and create life to be about home when I move to the next new chapter in January.
This is a good start... I am off now, to meet with my Tuesday People.... Tomorrow I hope to share something about the writing I will be doing....
I am sending warm and dry and safe-inside-but can hear the rain - COZY vibes to all me people.
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