From 6 to 2.... Loosing US and back again October 2013 - October 2014 @ Tamarack

It’s one year now from our sudden and unexpected transition to a two person household.

With Tyler leaving last October to assist Matt post surgery and then finding work in Seattle, what started out as a couple-few week “borrowing” of our third full time household member became a “just the two of us” (& ½ if you count extended Argo visits on his nomadic rotation.)

Well, the two of us and 22 pups (& ½ if you count our sweet little foster Sugar)

What a year it has been…We were not built around this and have spent a solid year learning and forming new patterns, new procedures, ways to streamline systems.

Patrick’s and Tyler’s lives both changed to not allow for weekend puppy sitting. Rachel had her surgery and was out for months recovering. We found ourselves going from two weekends off per month in packwood with just Mori and Kuma, to no weekend coverage at all.

At the beginning of all of this we were not set up for evenings out, our former midday breaks or EVER sleeping in.

We went from some mornings us up early and some with Tyler taking care of pups so we could wake up naturally together to every morning being first on call with the critters. We went from the deliciousness of sleeping in together and reveling in the beauty of that other sleeping “next to” peacefully to having to push each other out of bed, create elaborate 3-4 alarm systems, schedule even our pee breaks in the mornings to get the dogs walks in and all the dogs staged. 

For a while, sleeping in went from a thing we wanted to give each other to a betrayal of partnership. For a while the other sleeping in being an amazing sensation of WOW, here is this person, this whole person sleeping next to ME... was lost to jealousy if one or the other was in bed for 10 minutes longer. For a while we lost the time to just appreciate the utter beauty of this human creature next to us and our first thoughts being - which puppies need to pee, followed by "how long do we have til one sings and wakes all the others and they all have to peeeeeeee.  

For a while, being the happy first person up and out of bed to surprise the other with fresh coffee and a return to bed snuggle became a mad dash to who is moving which pups and by when… It was a painful shift to losing those mornings safe in the comfy bed with the puppies around us and hearing Tyler, or Josh, or Sarah move them out to pee in the morning and be able to just appreciate each other.

Somewhere in here, the Walmart & Winco  dates  after Ann’s work  - where we could look and explore and then come happily home with treasures for our people - while knowing someone had the puppies settled in for the nite, and we could come home walk in and just love them… just went…. and moments together out of the house for things like costco or grocery shopping “dates” became … “we have to get in and get out, the puppies are kenneled until we get home”…. We missed, so much that safe and happy feeling of coming home, pulling up to the house and knowing the pups were fed and happy and all we had to do was walk in to be HOME.

It wasn't ever resentment at having the puppies or even moving the puppies out of kennels.. it was the ache of always having to choose a few moments out of the house knowing they were locked up and kenneled instead of being with another puppy daddy or mommy and playing. Always having to choose are they getting what they need or do we take a few moments for ourselves... so much heart hurt over the splintering choices.

For the first few months the loneliness of not doing this things together, the routine errands that used to be dates was so hard to get used to we used a collecting hugs system just to make it bearable... one stop = one super deluxe hug upon homecoming for the person who was out in the world without the partner to make it FUN. without the iphone for check ins and facetime Ann would have gone nuts. These were things that used to involve shopping cart races, coffee toasts and looking at all the fun and silly things together and now were boring mundane grown up chores.

Somewhere in here money got tight and we had to lay Jenny off from kennel maintenance and occasional puppy lunching, adding more than 8 hours per week to (mostly) Nathan’s work load. Then when we were ready to bring her back, she went and got a silly “real” job…. :) We are completely happy for her but have yet to find someone to replace that part.

Nathan left college to come home and get this all settled. My work days shortened to be here for pups while we got this all settled.

We took over Tyler’s “jobs” and puppy daddy shifts, had to cut some puppy walks even with our best efforts, gave up weekends away, camping and for a while evening activities, gaming and, ummm, energy for adult time. For a while we were too sleepy for tv or conversation after about 8 pm. A few weeks or a quarter or two off college became over a year of college hiatus. A few days between nekkid snuggles became weeks. Many weeks. Many repetitions of those said many weeks.

In January we lost our mama Kolta, the last of the original pups from the original four. She was 16 years old. She left us with four of her wonderful pups still alive: Max, Kiona, Kiantee and Chinook. Their cousin Claire born two weeks earlier than that batch is also still with us, these lovers  were born into Ann Marie’s hands over 13 years ago and will be 14 this coming spring (2015).

Aja found herself closing in on 10 years old (this year 11) Zenya 9 (10 in 2015)  & Kona 9 …. These were the first few (other than Mr. Bandit who passed 2 years ago) who were “beyond” my original pack

We also had Red, Herc, Wolfy, Ipu, Senty, Kanita all rescues in their own way… all happily still with us and going strong.

We had a long term foster Ms. Windy Wooo who stayed with us from late summer 2013 until she was adopted forever by Rachel early spring this year 2014.

Andie, a friends of our’s pup came to stay as a long term boarder with us since her person mama no longer has a yard

Our two youngest at the start of this year are Nathan and “my’s” first together pups - our intentionally sought out and selected babies, Nathan’s first ever dependents… Ms. Moriko (2 on valentines day 2014) and Koinu Kuma (puppy bear) (who was a little over 1 year old) When we bought and brought these home we were part of a several person household that we thought we stay a several person household for years.

In October that changed with Tyler leaving. The previous April, Patrick took some time away, and only shortly before that in fall 2012 Sarah and Josh had moved out. In just a littler over a year we were down from 6 people to … 2. So the overall change was more like 18 months, but the biggest part the part that pulled the chock out from under the tire was Tyler leaving.

We were learning how to be a two person household only ... starting from Tyler's leaving. We did not - any of us - know when he went to Seattle that he would not be back. We had talked about him transitioning away from full time student and puppy daddy to work out of the house - but thought we had months, and a couple more quarters of Nathan's college to prepare ahead of time for the shift, to hire more puppy walkers, to prepared to gradually take over his tasks and to spend some time as a couple before the change.

Life had already been up and down heart wise roller-coaster with 5 pups passing from 2012 to January of 2014. Also the prior year - through May of 2013 we were immersed in hospice for Tieton for 5 months with sleep the last few in broken 90  mins if were lucky - taking turns turning him, moving him, helping him pee, watering him…

In February we adopted two pups to balance the ages of our pack; with so many over 10/11 years old but more young active females than males; we sought and found two younger males, adopting these boys from SongDog rescue. My Mr. Kiba and our sweetest husky ever, Blizzard… and a “spare” we weren't intending on Mr. Jack.

In February, We “foster-failed” Sativa, a 5 week old puppy begged off on us by our vet clinic - as a rescue that both Nathan and Argo (and of course myself but I was the last to cave) She is about ten months ish old now.

We also foster-rescued-rehabbed a certain Ms. Sweetie, as an at first untouchable, now almost a lap-dog who has passed obedience classes pup who has come in and filled some playgroups we didn’t have to fill before the “extra” Jack.

In april - we came close to losing Ms. Aja to a pup squiff with Ms. Kona, and our puppy sitter lead Rachel was injured in the breaking up and separation. Her injuries left her unable to come back to puppy care and our almost in site weekends vanished for the foreseeable future.

So much change… people changes, puppy changes….

Under a year before this (a year April 2014) we were a 3 & ½ and ½ person household, and just a few months before that had also Sarah and Josh living with us helping… again 6 to 2 with each and every person who left leaving a space and tasks to be filled.

This year was trial by fire for Nathan and I - Our “relationship” persay formally began the March after we adopted Moriko. Although we had shared space for nearly two years before and lived in the same room, at first with Tyler and then just me and Nathan after Tyler moved to his camper - we were “parents” first with him taking full partnership of my original pack, then us formalizing our relationship as well, more than friends and committed for at least Mori’z natural life span. When Nathan made the agreement to co-parent this whole pack - he made that agreement as part of a larger team, with Tyler, Patrick, Argo, Jenny, Sarah and Josh .. and later Rachel and Heather  & crew as our team. When all this change happened, we were still learning to be in a relationship with school as a primary focus.

Over this year - October to October now (2014)  - all of that has attritioned - with some little bits returning as bonuses, such as Patrick and Tyler giving us that one amazing weekend “off” for autumn war. Heather jumped in and helped for us to be able to take some classes and have a few short date nites as we were making this shift to a two person doing it all team.

This coming spring will bring Nathan and I to 3 years together together and 5 years living together and it’s been 3 years of so much change…. college stop and start for Nathan. Work ventures for Nathan. Career challenges both good and bad for Ann. Major Ann health stuff. Patrick moved from being here on weekends and part time to being almost completely gone for months, then gradually coming back into puppy daddy visitation. Argo, helped with Tieton was gone for months, then came back on a here and there basis, recently helping ooodles with pups when he is here.

Since Kolta’s passing last January (2014)  and our completing the pack adoptions from February through April we have worked, daily on setting up timing, systems and streamlines to keep the standards of life we want for this huge flock of woofs as a two person team. The clipboard became life itself. Scheduling, fine tuning, getting pups set up with who gets along with whom. More crates, Sturdier crates, arranging crates, building new fences and yards and latches for the gates. Dreaming in containment and puppy grids.

Starting about August we began to finally start putting in some people stuff again; short nites out for Dancing and Karaoke, Time off for Social while Ms. Sarah was here before she left for Pullman, time to make and eat food, time for gaming and cuddles…. We have built and practiced and created structure for the pups daily routines to get all these pups from all these different places feeling safe, secure and settled. Now we can without stressing them take a few hours here and there to go out… and even now have an “overnight” pattern where we can escape for one short nite at a time to run up to the RV in Packwood… Nathan can work out of house occasionally now with pups okay and although it may be a long day for them here and there, they still get their playgroups, most of the walks and always love and people time in the morning and evenings.

Our goal is to get back to the same standard of relationship we had before we became parents… the same team work and flow and focus on each other .. the same “I want what you want” vs. coaching and dividing and conquering for logistics that we had to shift into with less people… there will be times for that mode, that efficiency mode, emergency mode, hospice mode, and we know that we CAN do it, even for extended periods of time if we have to… but we won’t always have to, there are now spaces for the just being with each other and enjoying the time with pups, instead of always only about the fuzzy pack organizationals…And enjoying, truly enjoying each other, feeling each other, seeing each other as something other than “co parent” … puppy daddy, puppy mommy….

For a few months there, well until September, we weren't sure we would ever get back there without more people. We took turns feeling like giving up. We took turns pep talking the other person. We took turns keeping going even when numb, confused, lost and overwhelmed. We have cried, we have yelled, we have lost our gentleness with each other ... and called each other back to the person we knew each other to be UNDER the stress.

Now, at this year mark, we can see the “us” coming back. It is time for empathy for each other, time for turning towards each other, time and space to stand with each other and ask “what do you want and need starting from where we are now”. We can be brave enough to ask “what do you need to make this the life you want to live”. That question was scary there for a while… too scary to ask, too scary to answer.

We have survived this year of change. We have come out stronger. We have come out with more love, more tenderness, more respect for each other, more solidity, even more attracted to each other, and belief that this year will be the year that combines the US with the pup care in a way that I have never had in 16 going on 17 years of having pups.

Nathan was faced again and again with choices well beyond his original commitments and things that had to be given up for a while to keep the pups with their standards of life. And, he chose again and again to stay and stand up in the face of more and more "stuff" being piled on. Ann was faced with the same thing but has a lot more practice and a lot more years of choosing pup care over her own wants. For Nathan though this was a lot more than he ever expected and first run at it. And he stood up, got up, moved through it and stayed in puppy daddy mode through change after change after change.

Now, it's time for him to get to add things back in for himself and for us. He has so earned it. He has so beyond earned it. At 22/23 years of age he has gone beyond what people decades older could not do. We lost the sense of humor for a while. We hit and moved through resentment and frustration and loss after loss of what we thought was "us". We forged a new US in the context of partnership and integrity. And now, we get to come home to the softer us, the playful us, the friends together and lovers us.

It’s good to be home again. It’s good to reach out for hugs again… and have some room to feel them.

It’s sooo good to come home and , like tonight, for the first time in over a year… come HOME and greet pups instead of manage them, organize them, troubleshoot …. but to come home, walk in, pet them greet them, SEE them… and to see Nathan as him.

It’s good to be home. We made it. We are making it and this year we get to put the us back in our life.