Facebook explanation April 2019

Okay

Good morning world!

For those of you wondering about the sudden upswing and change in ann post tone’s I am going to write this and keep reposting it for a few days

First, it’s not the prednisone. Now that we have that out of the way. For real, just don’t go there.

The prednisone kept me alive.

What’s got me going now is feeling stronger enough to get up and keep going at the things that I couldn’t before.

Right now, between recent/current health things and before possible surgery I have the stamina to get up, track, and tackle the things that would have ideally been kept going while I was down for the count.

What is happening is that about two years ago jan I got sick, really sick. Then two years ago november I had a car accident which has led to the health medical things I am now dealing with, including an angiogram and possible neck cutty onnee things- later in aprilI - - but for now - I have been dealing with the “sicks” that don’t show, the stuff no one can see and the crazy making “is this all in my head”. Its not. The Doctors appointment yesterday confirms that yes indeed there is an actual break and goofiness in my actual neck, making the actual blood not go right to my actual brain.

Ever been winded after climbing a flight of stairs or been gut punched? It’s like that, but for years almost every day.

Add the usual muscle skeletal pain from car accident and general stuff. Add hashimoto and you have the big things.

I have been really health challenged, and I am self employed in a career that is vulnerable to current political pressures. I have been in pain, I have been exhausted and I have been rallying in overdrive for over two years.

I have kept getting up. I have kept working. I have borrowed money to keep the lites in and woofers fed and it will take me until I am approx 52 to fix that.

In that two years I have been too tired to chase people down to hold boundaries to “keep on people” to get things done.

My house has fallen apart. The dogs have been well loved but their yard is not optimal. Nathan has been to burn out and back again. Carrie and Patrick have had our backs but its still been too much to carry with grace.

I am angry that things didn’t get done just because people said they would. I am angry that people have made that somehow my fault or somehow I should have tried harder, been stronger, done more, communicated better. I am angry that people broke agreements; some tiny that ricocheted and some larger and more visibly expensive esp  when I couldn’t catch it sooner and fight harder and that I even should have had to .

I have gotten up and rallied through things most people would have curled up in a ball and not moved from.

I am almost 50 and I am at the woman done taking shit stage.

So as things come up, as I go outside in my yard, in my shed, in my house that is in disrepair, as I clear out other people’s vehicles that have been here for years, as I find these things I am going to blog the every living sheetz out of that.

And then I will clean things up and keep going and figure out a health plan and what to do if I actual need surgery … that self employed riding the lion meme - yeah - that.

I am going to be mad, I am going to be joyous at the being alive, I am going to radiate love for the dogs, I am going to fix my badly battered relationships that I have been too tired to hold up my end on, I am going to pay people back or die trying. I am going to hu-man all over the frackin book of pages.

And I am going to try to do it classy but there will be leaks in chassy of the hi road taking vehicle as I go  and its going to be oily and slippery and goo-ey.

There will be moments when I look bad to people and I am just going roll with that.

If you have questions, ask me.

If you want to sit in judgement do it far enough away that you are out of joking about prednisone target range.

If you know me well enough to remember before I fell down call that back. And reflect it back to me if you can.

If you can count count how long the projects in the photo albums have been on hold and start clocking now how fast they get done.

And there will still be me the resilient loving ann.

I am here just under the vaguebooking.