Shifting Subtley

Found saved in drafts... written sometime in the last 3 years.

Shifting... subtlety....

I just opened the physical journal I wrote in last nite, and realized I had written over __?__ pages in my half sleep, in sharpie so the light didn't bother other sleeping people... I thought I had scratched out maybe two or three pages....

So much moving beneath the surface... and so little time to write and have it flow..

yesterday is the first time in years? I've written by hand other than in a workshop or class where journaling was part... and I love the feel of the written pages, but it's so much slower and I can't read my handwriting the next day...

I am SOOOO on the verge of something - something new - something deep and it keeps getting away from me in daily life

something about just seeing people each moment where they are who they are being.. that I feel, connect with and that evaporates as soon as people start talking and asking me questions...

something keeps switching me into scarcity instead of abundance and causing me to react in ways that do not reflect who I am.... and it can happen so quickly - and take so long to unravel and repair...

I am swimming in the same waters of social mores that other people drown in, and having trouble seeing the river for the droplets, until I step way back and shake it off....

off to try to read my writing...

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