Come hell or high water I am going to write something today!
Ahhhhhhhhhh, finally sitting down for 20 minutes at my studio... it's been logistics and logistics and more logistics since I hit the ground running here at home...
The mothership landed this past Sunday and I TRIED to hide in it but I missed the puppies and finally came out.... and after my stops today she is insured and licensed with brand new shiny plates.
My body is recovered from whatever that crazy bug was and from the medicines I took to survive it... and really all things considered the come down was very very gentle... no tears, no bruising and no drama at home... it's the most peaceful come down off steroids I have EVER experienced.
JUST LOTS and lots to do!
We are making space and comfiness for our next household expansion - Our "entertainment director" Naomi is coming to live with us while her new husband deploys, and she is also bringing her younger brother. So we're bustling around setting up power/water/heat to the mothership (for the newlyweds) and the new little camper that will be his room.
The mundane specifics don't matter, they are boring even to a down to earth writing soul like mine but I have kept myself sane today by reminding myself I WILL write later.... and so I am.
This week has been strange, my benefactor for my sabbatical has taken ill causing a two fold twist in my three month off to write plan... First, I have been worried out of my mind about him... and finally today have gotten enough contact to find where to visit him in patient. My heart will rest much easier tomorrow after handholding, eye contacting, sit near-ing time. The other turn is that since I do not want to worry him about money I have plunged back into work - a topsy turvy dive since I had discontinued all my advertising and am now two weeks past when I thought my stipend would arrive. I am very very pleased with myself for not panicking but quietly picking up the reigns, asking for some help where I need to... and continuing to sit the horse of this "time off".
The goood of today is that I DID carve out time for puppy care, not all I wanted to do and be there for, but much... one long and one short puppy walk, the first in muggy warmth, the second in clear cooling mist-rain... and I did get to be half of the play group team this morning, up @ 6:30 with Red's insistence.... but up I was... and I have been full on participating in life the whole day.... and it feels good
and somehow, somehow, so far, I have managed to keep that sense of well being, wholeness, all is well, and aliveness that I found on the trip... I feel happy and still that overwhelming surge of LOVE .. the big love that has been present, since, well, since about when I started writing... it's always there... just being warm inside my chest.... and it lands on everything not logistics... I just LOVE my life, the people, the critters and somehow even with the financial scare.. I just feel this pervasive sense of Choice in my world. I am exactly where I choose to be right now and I am happy and simply brimming over full of love.
and my body knows this... somehow, somewhere in the last two months my female cycle has completely regulated (it's been off for years now)... I do not understand HOW with the whole illness thing and the travel... but I find myself so in love with life that my body is ovulating on schedule and @ 40 years old returning to the healthy, vibrant, full on 29 day cycle I always used to have.... even with the prednisone... I don't know how or when or why but I am just going to be calmly peaceful and whole with it.
So, in a few minutes I leave to meet with someone so dear to me who is getting ready for one of the biggest shamanic rituals he will ever face. We walk through shadow this weekend to find himself on the other side of it. I am in awe of bravery he has shown in preparation for this weekend... it's going to be hard and energy depleting and scary and painful... and, somehow this full up love is going to be there in me and it's going to help him get through it, and I am aiming for coming through the process healthy and if not energized, FULL of energy. Once we start on Friday we are there "until it's done"... how many other people ever ever get the chance to be part of something like that? with no time limits.. with all the resources they need to priestess someone through this journey ....
Friday, I see a friend I've had since not seen since Patrick and my wedding, the first one in 2003 for breakfast.... I am nervous and excited since our lives are so different. I find I am usually buffered in people's judgements about my lifestyle and it's been YEARS since I've met anyone that I wasn't really sure would accept me as I am now. I intend to go in open hearted and just see where that leads. But I am a little nervous.
OK... the bell chimes and it's off into the car and away to Duke's Chowder House and lack of death seafood! YUM!
I am aiming for another short write tomorrow... after visiting my patron, working for two hours, possibly seeing Argo for a massage, and before I go home to enjoy evening puppy walks now that the weather is cool enough to allow for them.... I love evening walks and it will be a change of pace to match the fall weather.
The mothership landed this past Sunday and I TRIED to hide in it but I missed the puppies and finally came out.... and after my stops today she is insured and licensed with brand new shiny plates.
My body is recovered from whatever that crazy bug was and from the medicines I took to survive it... and really all things considered the come down was very very gentle... no tears, no bruising and no drama at home... it's the most peaceful come down off steroids I have EVER experienced.
JUST LOTS and lots to do!
We are making space and comfiness for our next household expansion - Our "entertainment director" Naomi is coming to live with us while her new husband deploys, and she is also bringing her younger brother. So we're bustling around setting up power/water/heat to the mothership (for the newlyweds) and the new little camper that will be his room.
The mundane specifics don't matter, they are boring even to a down to earth writing soul like mine but I have kept myself sane today by reminding myself I WILL write later.... and so I am.
This week has been strange, my benefactor for my sabbatical has taken ill causing a two fold twist in my three month off to write plan... First, I have been worried out of my mind about him... and finally today have gotten enough contact to find where to visit him in patient. My heart will rest much easier tomorrow after handholding, eye contacting, sit near-ing time. The other turn is that since I do not want to worry him about money I have plunged back into work - a topsy turvy dive since I had discontinued all my advertising and am now two weeks past when I thought my stipend would arrive. I am very very pleased with myself for not panicking but quietly picking up the reigns, asking for some help where I need to... and continuing to sit the horse of this "time off".
The goood of today is that I DID carve out time for puppy care, not all I wanted to do and be there for, but much... one long and one short puppy walk, the first in muggy warmth, the second in clear cooling mist-rain... and I did get to be half of the play group team this morning, up @ 6:30 with Red's insistence.... but up I was... and I have been full on participating in life the whole day.... and it feels good
and somehow, somehow, so far, I have managed to keep that sense of well being, wholeness, all is well, and aliveness that I found on the trip... I feel happy and still that overwhelming surge of LOVE .. the big love that has been present, since, well, since about when I started writing... it's always there... just being warm inside my chest.... and it lands on everything not logistics... I just LOVE my life, the people, the critters and somehow even with the financial scare.. I just feel this pervasive sense of Choice in my world. I am exactly where I choose to be right now and I am happy and simply brimming over full of love.
and my body knows this... somehow, somewhere in the last two months my female cycle has completely regulated (it's been off for years now)... I do not understand HOW with the whole illness thing and the travel... but I find myself so in love with life that my body is ovulating on schedule and @ 40 years old returning to the healthy, vibrant, full on 29 day cycle I always used to have.... even with the prednisone... I don't know how or when or why but I am just going to be calmly peaceful and whole with it.
So, in a few minutes I leave to meet with someone so dear to me who is getting ready for one of the biggest shamanic rituals he will ever face. We walk through shadow this weekend to find himself on the other side of it. I am in awe of bravery he has shown in preparation for this weekend... it's going to be hard and energy depleting and scary and painful... and, somehow this full up love is going to be there in me and it's going to help him get through it, and I am aiming for coming through the process healthy and if not energized, FULL of energy. Once we start on Friday we are there "until it's done"... how many other people ever ever get the chance to be part of something like that? with no time limits.. with all the resources they need to priestess someone through this journey ....
Friday, I see a friend I've had since not seen since Patrick and my wedding, the first one in 2003 for breakfast.... I am nervous and excited since our lives are so different. I find I am usually buffered in people's judgements about my lifestyle and it's been YEARS since I've met anyone that I wasn't really sure would accept me as I am now. I intend to go in open hearted and just see where that leads. But I am a little nervous.
OK... the bell chimes and it's off into the car and away to Duke's Chowder House and lack of death seafood! YUM!
I am aiming for another short write tomorrow... after visiting my patron, working for two hours, possibly seeing Argo for a massage, and before I go home to enjoy evening puppy walks now that the weather is cool enough to allow for them.... I love evening walks and it will be a change of pace to match the fall weather.
I'm glad you're doing so well, even if things aren't perfect financially.
ReplyDeleteWe ate at a Thai/Vietnamese place today that had "No MSG" signs, and I thought of you. :)