Where is my all is well... come back to me sense of peace
Good morning,
I am writing a paragraph beween each set of puppy rotations ... setting them into their morning play groups and shaking them out of their sleepy nesses... twas another heavy heavy rain last nite and they are a mite skeptical about going outside... huskamutes and malamutts LOVE snow, but are not so big on this rain thing.
It's been 8 days since I landed back home with the mothership and for several days after I landed I was still basking in the glow of that overwhelming love and all is well feeling... and today, actually starting sometime on saturday I started having trouble connecting with it fully... I can feel around the edges the still feeling loved and supported. I still "know" everything will be ok - I am not precisly worried but I just can't get that full on blossoming feeling I experienced the entire trip and I am pondering with my morning coffee and breathing the fresh rained air - why?
I want to have the answer to this before Tyler rolls out of bed - so he and I can make a fresh start this morning... to match our emotions to this clean air outside. And I want to work with Patrick on the Puppy Calender without bristling and being edgy... espcially if we head to the apartment to make his massage session finally happen after two, or is it three weeks of missing his time with my travels.
Could it be that just missing the time writing is impacting me this hard? I don't know but I hope to keep up on all my daily writing this week... so if that's the case, this writing today should help turn it around for me.
Has is been an intense week? YES.
It's been busy, there's been so much to do... but it's all been "good" busy... progress I can see and sink into ... the type of stuff that sets us up for a cozy fall inside... my home and land feel safe and warm and full of family ... and there is a peace and satisfaction there that I haven't felt in years, not since packwood actually.
Money is a bit hairy still.. lots of late fees and people not too happy with me, but my patron has assured me we're going to get it all squared away this week, so I can defer the stress around that this week... and I'll just take a bite at a time on the late charges... so it's some stress but doesn't really account for the almost "blues" feeling.
The Shamanic Ritual I had intended to bring all my energy to fell through in a way and in another way was very very healing ... AND took a little out of me, the reroute was somewhat tramatic ... like trying to turn around an energetic titanic... Our other practititioner never confirmed, leaving us half into shadow space with all that intention, supplies, resources, time and mental energy moving in one way.. then, poof, the ritual itself didn't work. This is after an attempt to do this ritual a year earlier and our other practitioner stopping short of completion.... The change drained me and I needed to come home and do a lot more self care and reframing... this may be a part of what depleted me a bit. I did my best to take super good care of myself but found myself very very tired yesterday - and opted out of two social events to just be near puppies and reboot.
My Patron is home now from his time in the convalescent center, and I went to see him in home for some massage... my heart there just pours out wanting healing for him. But the worry has faded, and it felt good to be trusted enough to offer massage while he drifted in and out... and I look so forward to his loving and generous and sweet self resurfacing. Over such a short time knowing him I have grown to miss his energy during this lull.
I find that I am missing argo quite deeply --- I just miss his physical presence. There are odds and ends I would love for him to help with and I'm getting antsy about the calender and my RAID that doesn't work right now... but mostly I just miss sharing life with him. But the love is still flowing and we text and I am not upset with him, just miss him being near and am really looking foward to the "camping trip" to bellevue next weekend.
Tyler -- here's the piece I think... here's the piece that hurts so bad that it's pulling me down.
I am writing a paragraph beween each set of puppy rotations ... setting them into their morning play groups and shaking them out of their sleepy nesses... twas another heavy heavy rain last nite and they are a mite skeptical about going outside... huskamutes and malamutts LOVE snow, but are not so big on this rain thing.
It's been 8 days since I landed back home with the mothership and for several days after I landed I was still basking in the glow of that overwhelming love and all is well feeling... and today, actually starting sometime on saturday I started having trouble connecting with it fully... I can feel around the edges the still feeling loved and supported. I still "know" everything will be ok - I am not precisly worried but I just can't get that full on blossoming feeling I experienced the entire trip and I am pondering with my morning coffee and breathing the fresh rained air - why?
I want to have the answer to this before Tyler rolls out of bed - so he and I can make a fresh start this morning... to match our emotions to this clean air outside. And I want to work with Patrick on the Puppy Calender without bristling and being edgy... espcially if we head to the apartment to make his massage session finally happen after two, or is it three weeks of missing his time with my travels.
Could it be that just missing the time writing is impacting me this hard? I don't know but I hope to keep up on all my daily writing this week... so if that's the case, this writing today should help turn it around for me.
Has is been an intense week? YES.
It's been busy, there's been so much to do... but it's all been "good" busy... progress I can see and sink into ... the type of stuff that sets us up for a cozy fall inside... my home and land feel safe and warm and full of family ... and there is a peace and satisfaction there that I haven't felt in years, not since packwood actually.
Money is a bit hairy still.. lots of late fees and people not too happy with me, but my patron has assured me we're going to get it all squared away this week, so I can defer the stress around that this week... and I'll just take a bite at a time on the late charges... so it's some stress but doesn't really account for the almost "blues" feeling.
The Shamanic Ritual I had intended to bring all my energy to fell through in a way and in another way was very very healing ... AND took a little out of me, the reroute was somewhat tramatic ... like trying to turn around an energetic titanic... Our other practititioner never confirmed, leaving us half into shadow space with all that intention, supplies, resources, time and mental energy moving in one way.. then, poof, the ritual itself didn't work. This is after an attempt to do this ritual a year earlier and our other practitioner stopping short of completion.... The change drained me and I needed to come home and do a lot more self care and reframing... this may be a part of what depleted me a bit. I did my best to take super good care of myself but found myself very very tired yesterday - and opted out of two social events to just be near puppies and reboot.
My Patron is home now from his time in the convalescent center, and I went to see him in home for some massage... my heart there just pours out wanting healing for him. But the worry has faded, and it felt good to be trusted enough to offer massage while he drifted in and out... and I look so forward to his loving and generous and sweet self resurfacing. Over such a short time knowing him I have grown to miss his energy during this lull.
I find that I am missing argo quite deeply --- I just miss his physical presence. There are odds and ends I would love for him to help with and I'm getting antsy about the calender and my RAID that doesn't work right now... but mostly I just miss sharing life with him. But the love is still flowing and we text and I am not upset with him, just miss him being near and am really looking foward to the "camping trip" to bellevue next weekend.
Tyler -- here's the piece I think... here's the piece that hurts so bad that it's pulling me down.
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