Let's talk about Gossip and the Packhouse philosophy

Okay let's put this one to rest

the not gossiping policy in my home, taken from a class I took (2009 ishy? 2010?) was designed to foster love, healing, granting being and bringing people closer

it was not intended to be perverted into a web of isolation and divide and conquer

the rule about gossip - or rather standard to which I aspire and want in my home is that gossip is defined as:

not talking about other people's content/or themselves interpreting them behind their back without their knowledge or consent

doing so is like taxation without representation

if you speak of them and tell them - even if they don't like it - it isn't gossip
if you have their consent it isn't gossip
if you are relating your own experience in a way that doesn't violate their content it isn't gossip

I am utterly tired of people skewing that with their definition, or dictionary definition when that is NOT what I have said or tried to do - those other definition may apply but that is NOT the definition we have espoused or expressed.

it's a turn to each other - talk to each other - not about each other policy

it's not a muzzle
it's not a don't reach out to talk to other people
it's never been a don't ask others for help to work through hard things

never has been

its a "don't paint a picture of someone to other people without them having a chance to voice or amend or at the very least be aware of" something being said

no matter how well intention ed "healthy" gossip is  - it just plain isn't

it breeds miscommunication, contempt and misinterpretation and it just breaks the tether and compassion people can build when they honor the "in between" and talk to each other

talk TO people that you have issues with. if you can't talk to them alone and feel safe, add a person in, if a private person can't get you there, get professional help or support group

but sitting in judgement, in private without the person being spoken about having a voice - that is the gossip that is the killer of love and understanding and compassion

that is what I don't want in my home

and that is what has been used against me by people who have maliciously gossiped, or gone down rabbit holes without malice that could have been cleared up in five minutes of face to face communication

and a no gossip policy when exposed to people who have something to gain from a person not defending themselves, not having a voice, is just making a sociopathic tendency more polished.


So, again

the pack house no gossip "rule" (actually a standard applied for myself to myself and to people who opt in to live here or that I would choose to spend time with) is:

not talking about a person without their knowledge or consent.

it's that simple.
get consent or inform them.
and be willing to deal with that.

a good rule of thumb: if you wouldn't want it played back on video or voice where they could hear it - something's off. if you would be willing if even it's hard, then just ask or tell them you need to express it.

it's really not that complicated or scary.

be real
be honest
and let people know what is happening so they can be looped into their own lives.