You have been counting on my not gossiping policy to gaslight me and disparage my name

So, let's get this gutted out

You, someone who has been part of my world for 15 years has been actively
Counting on my not gossiping policy to gaslight me
It isn't going to work any longer. the divide and conquer of households and friendships stops now

I am going to be able to be fully self expressed and find my way through this with my own standards intact.

I am okay with not being liked by you or by other people for  a while
I am centered with people making their own decisions about my actions
I understand most people won't even understand why this is important to do

I am willing to present uncomfortable facts about myself and my process along the way to pave the way for healing for people

It's not about me - I am working towards 2 goals:

1) never letting anybody get hurt again by my silence - i.e. confusing discretion with things that should have been said and steps that should have been taken
2) getting my part clear and that what is so about the things that have happened out in the open so real healing can happen - people can bury their own heads in the sand, or they can look up and heal but they will know what that/those choices are

I've tried to reach out and offer the choice to join in counseling or private measures of healing, which you have declined.

I will be writing about the experience of healing and most of the times not being specific about who/whom. Those who are close enough to know, will know, those who don't don't need to but maybe can find something healing in their own lives from seeing someone take this down to bare earth and start over. Fire burnt soil grows fertile forests.

if I name you directly and inform you its not gossip - you just don't like what I am saying.
I will stand up to that - with facts to back up my assertions

there is a difference between discretion and secrecy and isolation - I got lost in the brambles and more than one person I love dearly got hurt.

I will walk through the fire and face the damage done to clean up where my NOT speaking previously has allowed things to cancer and fester

people can make up their own minds

but people HAVE been hurt by my silence and that stops now.

never again on my watch will this happen.